RANDOM THOUGHTS: An Introduction
For years, this website along with my social media channels was initially to promote myself and to make myself publicly known. However, posting and attempting to interact with other posts has felt like shouting into a void, so I’ve decided to just simply use this space here as a sort of therapy to type out my thoughts instead of letting them simmer in my brain.
As for the contents of this blog, I am just going to write whatever I feel like, but my main focus will be around religion, terrible people in society, my experiences in Japan, and rabbit holes that I find myself going down. (At the time I’m writing this, I’ve been going down the flat earth rabbit hole. While most people would laugh at that, I’ve been having a blast checking this stuff out, and, honestly, debunking most of the claims they made has really been a learning experience.)
Now, I’ll try my hardest to not make this sound like self-pity, but I feel like it’s important to state just in case anybody happens to come across this blog.
Like I said, this blog is a kind of therapy to me, and I’m not expecting a single soul to come across this, so I’m just going to let it out. There will be things on here that are offensive, and there may be times when I get emotional and say things that might come off as aggressive, asinine, or whatever word you want to use. However, one thing I’ve come to accept in my life is that no matter whether I attempt to be nice or not, people always find reasons to hate me, so I might as well give them a reason to hate me. Let me share a few experiences with you just to illustrate exactly what I mean:
Being kind to the homeless is something that is highly praised. So, I remember one time I saw a homeless guy who had a guitar, and since I play guitar I figured this would be a good chance for me try to connect. I just went to say hi to him and asked if he played guitar, and he replied to me very coldly. There was not an ounce of gratefulness in his soul that somebody was willing to approach him regardless of his appearance.
There was a time I was at a sushi restaurant, and I was at the singles’ seating (counter). A woman sat next to me, and I just asked her about how she likes the restaurant or something, and she was just being real bitchy with me for no reason. I wasn’t flirting. I wasn’t getting in her business. It was just a simple question she could’ve answered. So, I just stopped talking to her quickly.
Let’s go back to when I was in 4th grade. In class, I was really quiet, and I was not good at communication, so I couldn’t talk much anyway even if I wanted to. This didn’t matter to my teacher at the time though. For whatever reason, I was always an easy target for her. Wanna know why I know the word impeccable? As a kid, I was so focused on having good handwriting, but I used to write very slow. We were going over vocabulary, and impeccable was one of the terms. To give an example sentence, she said, “Jeremy’s handwriting is impeccable,” mocking me because I always took long to write. (By the way, my writing is now terrible because I always rush to write because of the trauma.)
There was another time when a kid named Jerod was harassing me in the restroom trying to look at my private parts while I was peeing. When I reported this to the aforementioned teacher (doing as I was always told, reporting to authority), she just brushed it off and told me something along the lines of, “I don’t want to hear it.”
Going to another incident with that same teacher, I had a friend in the class that everybody loved. There was a day, when we had our classroom door open, a strong gust blew and slammed the door shut. My friend yelled out, “Oh, Lord!” At this, everybody busted out laughing. Another day, my teacher was telling us something, and I was actually shocked at what she said, so I said out loud, mostly to myself, “Oh my god.” At this, her reaction was to say, “Oh. Everybody, stop. Let’s pray.” Then she bowed her head and closed her eyes sarcastically. At the time, I didn’t understand what was going on, and I just looked up at her in confusion. She then opened her eyes and said, “Oh. I thought we were praying because you said, ‘Oh my god.’”
Fast forward to the time when I landed my most recent job (at the time of this post) as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) in Japan. This was perhaps the most exciting move for me, and I just wanted to be in Japan and experience a different culture. Tell me why, during my first year as an ALT, I come to find out that a girl I had never even introduced myself to, was going around telling people that she doesn’t like me. This is literally the ultimate example of being hated for no reason.
While we’re talking about my time as an ALT, I remember during my week in orientation how there were two other new ALTs in my group that made me feel like I didn’t belong there at all. I didn’t even do a thing to them, and they already had put a label on me. Now, I can confidently say that since most female ALTs are radical left-wing man-hating drama queens that can’t be taken seriously, but at the time, I just couldn’t understand why they just looked at me and automatically decided that they were going to keep me out of the circle.
Going on that same exact theme, my last couple of years as an ALT were the same way. I had been moved to a school with a total of 3 ALTs, and initially, there was a Kiwi (from New Zealand) and another American guy who were extremely cool. However, my time with them did not last long because they both had to move from that school within my first year. Their two replacements were two women from the Philippines that I welcomed into the school warmly. I showed them around the campus, introduced them to students, helped with Japanese translation, etc. How did I get repaid? They both spoke only to each other in Tagalog and left me out of all lesson planning so that when we went to class I never knew what was going on. All those times I invited them to lunch? Not one invite from them. It was amazing how blatantly I was left out of everything.
Anyway, if I dug more into my memory, I could probably give more of these examples. However, the reason why I went through all the trouble of listing these experiences was not for anybody to feel bad for me. Rather, it’s to simply emphasize how much I don’t give a shit about stirring up hatred in anybody who comes across these blog posts. And honestly, with my luck, nobody will ever come across the music or story portion of my page. They’ll only see these blog posts and insult me based off of what they read here. Furthermore, I already know not to expect pity from others anyway. Most people will read through my experiences and think I’m just a little bitch who needs to “get over it.” Well, I don’t even feel pity for myself anyway, so there’s nothing to get over.
I’ll continue to post, and if my blogs start to gain traction, I’ll continue to stir up the chaos as well.